Monday, April 30, 2012

When Plans go Awry

So.... I was feeling a little down last week. I felt rather purposeless and stuck. You see, I had planned on having babies with my wonderful husband as soon as I graduated college and well.... that hasn't worked out. I've still got the wonderful husband, but no kiddos. I never planned on having a career in the arts because I was going to be a full-time 100% mom. Since graduating I've been kinda floundering around with dead end jobs.

Last week, I filled out a free questionnaire online to help me figure out a direction for myself, but it didn't really help. I'm all over the place! I have too many interests and hobbies and skills. I'm struggling to pick just one to focus on. So I called my husband's grandma (all mine are dead) because she is very wise and very spunky. I told her my dilema and she told me that she had experienced the same predicament just recently at the ripe age of 72. She had a chat with God, who told her to continue to cultivate her talents. She has many talents, but not all are practical right now. She felt inspired to take up the organ. When Grandma started she felt like she knew nothing after years of playing the piano. Her husband asked if she'd quit and she said resolutely, "I NEVER QUIT!" So now she is taking classes from the Mormon Tabernacle Choir Organist and rocking it.

When I was at the Temple a few months ago, I suddenly had the thought that I should start oil painting. I thought it was weird, but I decided to go ahead and do it. I told Grandma this, but that I didn't know why I was painting. She said it didn't matter why, and that I should keep doing it. I would find out the "why" eventually.  I'm still oil painting, but as I paint I'm continuing to work on my comics, my quilts and my new recipes. I guess I'm taking that step in the dark until I get further direction from God.

How have you guys found your way with your art? How did you decide on what field, medium and style?


Audrey Fry said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Audrey Fry said...

Hmmm, well, sounds like the same thing I suffered through when I went through college(especially the end). I loved my dog sledding, horseback riding, geology, and horticulture...and many other things, and I had to pick which one. I slowly let go of other things in order to give more time to my art, but then found that art was going to take all of my time, or I would never get any where. It really was tough. I said a prayer, didn't get a response, and realized that sometimes Heavenly Father is going to let you make the choice. I read about it in one of the ensigns (I'll try and find it for you), and I've found that though I've let go of soooooo much in order to do my art, it has helped me. There will be plenty of time for building up other talents, but sometimes, if we don't pick one and just stick with it, none of them will improve. Sometimes there isn't just one perfect one that we NEED to focus on, but the Lord gives us lots of options, and we can choose. It isn't always according to what is the BEST choice, because maybe they're all about the same, so they're all excellent. Thats the tough part of our agency; God wants us to choose for ourselves sometimes. I made the choice to stick in one field of art and give up just about everything else, which was REALLY tough, and I'm still not sure if it was worth it in the end. I'm still curious about the other choices I could have made, but at least now I'm not confused and I know I'm working towards something worth while.

Well, I hope that helps a little. I understand how confusing it can be, but just grab onto what you think is right and run with it. Learn to let go of some of the other things, for a little while anyways, and you'll find that things smooth out and become simplified as time goes by.

I have a secret though....I'm going back to oil painting too, bwahahahahaha! I just love it too much, even though I was never good at it, hehehe.

About Me

My photo
I am an illustrator, bookbinder, painter, doodler, list-maker, and wife. I love food. I am what can be categorized as a dabbler. I love trying new things, but I always come back around to art and illustration. I just can't help it.